Regrets are something that many people are plagued with throughout their life.  A choice, a mistake, or some other even has caused them to regret the choice they’ve made in their life.  Regrets can be a toxic thing or a good thing, depending on a person’s personality.  Some people get lost in their regrets and their past, never truly living in the now and understanding what it is like to be happy.  Instead, they live in the past and in their mistakes, always wondering how things would of been if they’d done something differently.

Fortunately, I can say that I am not one of those people.  While there are things that I wish had happen differently in my life, I can’t regret a single moment I’ve gone through.  By doing so, I would be giving up a part of who I am today and a part of the essence that makes me… well me.  From my dad dying before I had a chance to apologize for words that I said to marrying an abusive man who broke me in more ways than I can count, there have been things that others would come to regret.

I have chosen to not do so however.  I am a better person for everything I’ve experienced.  Each moment of heart break has contributed who I am and made me this person that I am today.  The bruises, the cracks and the broken bits are all part of what has made me the compassionate woman who loves with no bounds, lives each day as fully as possible and looks forward to each day coming with joy and happiness.

This wasn’t a behavior that came naturally to me.  My regrets started with telling my dad that I hated him and wished him dead then it happening two days later.  They continued when I found a man who I had fooled myself into loving.  Even from the beginning, there were signs that he was toxic, but I ignored them, thinking he was the best I’d ever be able to do.   I refused to acknowledge the truth about him and chose instead to marry him when he asked me to.   At that point was when the abuse started and my life became hell.  Each day I regretted marrying him, I hated him and I hated myself.  As the bruises formed and the words broke me, I became an unhappy bitter person who felt abandoned by everyone and everything.

I finally got to the point that I was strong enough to leave the relationship.  I left and I struggled for several years to overcome the damage that he did to me.  Finally, one day I came to realize the mistake I was making.  By regretting those choices, I was regretting who I was and the damage that was doing to me was huge. Continue reading →